The Spotty Internet Trolls ™ a Jackson’s Affliction

What on earth are The Spotty Internet Trolls™ ?!

O ne day we got an unwelcome visit from one of the Saskatchewan Leprechauns (you’ll remember them from the Groovy Framing Elves™ page; they were the ones who tried to pass themselves off as ‘Shoemaker Elves’).

This one was swathed in polyester and shot his cuffs constantly. He had shifty little rodent eyes, white shoes and belt, waggling eyebrows, and a toothpick in his mouth that was always in motion…he looked like a weasel with a pompadour.

As The Colonel (Karla Elder) was preparing to frogmarch him off of the premises, he said, “Wait!  I understand you’re having troubles with your website.”

“Get out” The Colonel said.

He shot his cuffs “I know some guys.”

“Get out” The Colonel said, grabbing handfuls of polyester.

“They’re terrific!” he said as he sailed out the door.

“Tell you what, I’ll have them get in touch and see what they can do for you,” he called over his shoulder as he sprinted down the back alley, The Colonel in hot pursuit, kicking him in the seat of his pants about every third step.


Well…about two days later

A scream split the air at Jackson’s that was so startling it caused Owen (Karla’s husband) to leap and clack his teeth together.

One of the Groovy Framing Elves™ had gone into the furnace room to discover, to her horror and surprise, three spotty trolls looking for a DSL connection.

After the hubbub died down the Groovy Framing Elves™ explained that these must be ‘The guys the Leprechaun knew’.

The Colonel kicked them out, but the next evening as we were shutting out the lights, there they were, sitting there making sort of chewing noises as they hunted and pecked on their keyboards.

She kicked them out again.  They came back again.  This continued for almost a week before The Colonel turned to Owen and said with that chilling finality “YOU deal with it”.

Naturally, Owen took this to mean, “I love these things and think they should become a permanent attraction around here!”


How the Spotty Internet Trolls™ got into computers is a complete mystery

They sluff along and move like they’re underwater and they have huge fat, stubby salami fingers that you wouldn’t think could hit just one letter on a keyboard. 

Their speech is a sort of monosyllabic grunting, and judging from the litter they leave behind, they seem to subsist on a steady diet of ketchup chips, pickled herring, and no-name pancake syrup (which the Elves refer to as “telephone pole syrup”). 

As opposed to the fresh rain and vanilla scent the Elves leave behind, the spotty Internet trolls smell in equal portions of mushrooms, loam, dirt, mud, old banana peels, peat, damp basement, chalk, and stagnant creek bottom.

Thankfully this fug vanishes when exposed to sunshine.

They won’t really make eye contact with, or stand up to, the Groovy Framing Elves™, who constantly admonish them like bun-haired old schoolmarms scolding large, clumsy, brain-addled puppies who’ve eaten all the cat’s food and missed the paper on the kitchen floor.

I don’t know where they go during daylight hours, under a bridge somewhere, one supposes…


Since they were here, The Colonel put them to work

They do what’s asked of them, sort of, but it takes forever and you have to explain things so many times that one often wonders if it just wasn’t faster to learn how to do it oneself.

So, I suppose we’re stuck with them.  They don’t actually get paid, and they do a pretty rotten job, but we haven’t figured out exactly what to do about it…they won’t leave!

Our Goal is to Make Our Clients Happy!

“Excellent work. Thank you very much!”
Ron Yakobchuk

Spruce Grove AB

“Very impressive!!  Great ideas.”
Gwen Olmstead

Stony Plain AB

 “Really nice work–! I love it! Awesome!”
Sasha Whitehead

Edmonton AB

“Awesome, love it, love it, love it.”
Hildi & Rob Weibe

Spruce Grove AB

Nobody has the level of Training, Education, Awards, Distinctions and International Acclaim that We Do!

We Know Our Stuff

  • Parkland County’s ONLY Certified Framer
  • One of only FOUR Guild Commended Framers in Canada!
  • One of only 17 Advanced Guild Commended Picture Framers in the world!!!
  • Former Canadian Picture Framing Champions
  • International People’s Choice Winner in Orlando, Florida!
  • Past President of the National Picture Framer’s Assoc. (twice!)
  • One of only 23 Certified Picture Framing Competition Judges in the world!

Check out our Awards and Distinctions

So Your Project is Done Right!

  • Artwork of All Types
  • Shadowboxes
  • Historical Photos
  • Sports Collectables
  • Degrees and Awards
  • Holiday Souvenirs
  • Military Medals

And Much, Much More!

Request an Appointment at Jackson's Gallery and Engraving

Get Our Undivided Attention

Jackson's is by Appointment Only


So we can give you the distraction free attention you deserve.

We're also happy to accommodate our clients outside of "normal" business hours.

Click here to Request an Appointment, or call us at (780) 960-1215

Before You Do Anything, Get Your FREE Copy!

The Consumer's Guide to Picture Framing:

7 Things you NEED to know!

BONUS: Jackson's Extraordinary Quick Ideas Framing Sheet!

Even if you don't come in to see us at Jackson's Gallery and Engraving at least you'll fully understand picture framing and can avoid the pitfalls and make informed, intelligent decisions.

And don't forget about the free gift on page 22!

Call Jackson’s for an Appointment and a FREE estimate! 1.800.444.7055 or 780.960.1215

Get Your FREE Copy of "The Consumer's Guide to Picture Framing"!

Your personal download link will be emailed directly to you...


Huzzah! Your copy of "The Consumer's Guide to Picture Framing" is on its way!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This